A (Mostly) Definitive Ranking of Cheese Shops Along Interstate 94

We've got to give it up for our problematic fav, Wisconsin.

Right at the top, this post owes its existence to one most flexible, good-sported, and supportive friend of Soft Earlobe, Bre. Months ago, I asked her to accompany me on my hours-long trip around the Twin Cities metro purchasing iced tea from ten McDonald’s locations. And this time, only after we’d solidified a road trip to Chicago, I insisted we stop at every major cheese shop between St Paul and the Windy City. I owe Bre more than cheddar cheers for this one.  

Mars Cheese Castle display - many Mr. Mars.

I love to stop on a road trip. I want to arrive at my destination efficiently and yet, I wish to familiarize myself with every single town along the way, especially their quirks. The drive through Wisconsin via Interstate 94 is special and charming to me because it is plentiful in its eccentricities and BEAUTY (those trees and hills always impress me). The billboards that pepper the route hold promises of a circus museum, cave tours, and about a thousand attractions at the Wisconsin Dells. But for years I’ve been intrigued by the number of signs advertising cheese shops. Expansive signs boast hundreds of varieties of cheese and cartoon mice beacon the young and old. Through the years, I’ve stopped at many of them but have forgotten which ones are quality. And never have I compared them in earnest. Bless Bre, for she agreed to stop at each highly advertised cheese stop from St Paul, Minnesota to Chicago, Illinois.

In total, we stopped at six major cheese shop locations.  Below, they have been ranked from least to most impressive and recommended. Although I would technically recommend stopping at any and all, for the chaos if nothing else.

Number five and six – Humbird Cheese in Tomah, WI AND Market Square Cheese in Lake Delton, WI

The reason these two are ranked together is because they share not only an owner but an identical vibe, which unfortunately leaves much to be desired. Bre and I are unaware of this similarity, so we stop at both locations on our trip.

First, we stop at Humbird Cheese. The exterior of the building is dingy and dated as hell, but we hope for the best. Upon entry, a long and dimly lit cooler extends perpendicularly from the door. We skim the various Humbird-specific string cheeses, curds, and blocks before wandering through the rest of the triangle-shaped space. Weaving through aisles of mustards(!!), pickled goods, and jellies, it becomes clear “knickknacks” is a term created for a place like this. Decorative candles and figurines line the back wall, and I swipe the top of a ceramic teapot positioned on a higher shelf. I’ll admit I am looking for dust because this place just feels unkempt. To Humbird’s credit, there is no dust to be found on any of the one thousand trinkets. Two additional coolers contain a variety of cheese dips, deli meats, even more condiments, and flavored cheese curds. I select a sour cream and onion flavor curds package and pay at the solitary cash register on our way out. A box of donuts, surely for the employees inside, sits on the sidewalk just outside the door. The donuts hold more appeal than most things in Humbird. I ask Bre about pilfering them, but I have only recently become this disrespectful even in theory. So I don’t. We snip open the container of sour cream and onion cheese curds in the car. They are just okay.

Miles and miles later, on our journey back and after we’ve declared our cheese stops completed, we stop at Market Square Cheese much more coincidentally. Exiting the freeway for the purpose of a bathroom and snack break, we glimpse the mouse holding a wheel of cheese at the building’s entrance.

“What the fuck is that?” I say to Bre, who is driving.

“My life flashing before my eyes,” Bre responds grimly. She has already endured six previous stops, excluding one false alarm (MACS in Wisconsin Dells is a RESTAURANT and not a cheese shop).

She’s a good friend, so she allows us to stop and assess the situation. The vibe is distinctly Humbird’s sibling, but the lighting is better. After browsing the blocks of aged cheddar, cheese whips (the best means of enjoying mozzarella, but not made by Humbird/Market Square directly), various other cheeses, and a section dedicated to fudge, I do a quick loop of the space. There are more toys at this location, which tracks as we are fully in the Wisconsin Dells. There is a counter where one can view and order ice cream by the scoop, topped with a jar of those giant jawbreakers that scared me even as a child (they always felt dangerous and I kind of don’t believe they’re not). I buy a block of cheese that looks like a plaid square comprised of four different types of cheese. Cheddar, provolone, marble jack, and another cheddar block make this up and it is more visually intriguing than intriguing taste-wise.

Number four – Mousehouse Cheesehaus in Windsor, WI

With the giant mouse eating cheese atop, you cannot miss this Wisconsin cheese destination. Two matching mice flank the brief entryway to the rest of the store. They each bear signs pleading patrons to refrain from climbing on them. It’s clear they’ve endured a lot. Inside, we find a display dedicated to fudge, a deli serving sandwiches, a wall of fridges containing alcoholic beverages, plenty of “”gifts”” and knickknacks, a full cooler of bags of just cheese curds, a window that reveals a room where employees can be seen cutting large blocks of cheese, and a large L-shaped cooler that wraps around half the store. Within that cooler are countless variations of cheese, and many smaller portions designated to be cut for samples upon request. I would rather bleed out in a store than ask an employee for anything, so I don’t sample. But the option is there for those braver than me. Overall, I appreciate the wide variety of offerings at this establishment.

A song from Disney’s Lemonade Mouth movie plays over the speakers as I purchase a block of Mousehouse Jack “Our Own Recipe.” It says “#1 seller” on the packaging. When I try it later, it is American cheese adjacent and I’m mostly disappointed. American cheese has previously been accomplished.

Number three - Ehlenbach’s Cheese Chalet in DeForest, WI

This place is pretty cute. A giant cartoon mouse climbs one of the supports upholding a CHEESE sign above the “chalet”, a Bavarian-style-inspired building that reminds me of a trip my family took to Leavenworth, Washington when I was like twelve years old. Inside, everything is very tidy and organized. One wall is lined with candy, classier-ish gifts, and various condiments. A woman stands behind a counter containing a large cheese display, to slice from any requested block. Cream cheese and other cheese spreads get their own cooler towards the back, and this is what intrigues me most. As does a very soft sweater with the Ehlenbach logo and a tiny cow printed on it. It’s fifty dollars and Bre talks me out of it, for which I’m grateful.

I do wind up purchasing a container of Ehlenbach’s garden cream cheese. Bre and I use it to top our continental breakfast bagels and it is SO good, very herby and containing large pieces of vegetables. I haven’t really stopped thinking of it.

Number two – Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha, WI

I had originally only researched and planned to stop at cheese shops between St Paul and Madison. But I basically scream as Bre and I buzz by a place called Mars Cheese Castle once we are nearly to Chicago. It’s striking to see a castle in the middle of the Midwest and the pull is powerful.

It is early November the day we enter those castle doors, but it may as well be the week before Christmas. Rocking Around the Christmas Tree blares from overhead speakers, string lights hang from every available surface, and a giant Christmas tree is decked out and displayed centrally. But this is like. A grocery store. Or Wisconsin’s most luxe rest stop. There’s a whole room for gifts, nearly a full liquor store, a deli counter, seemingly a full functioning restaurant (it’s not open when we visit), a bakery display, and a giant mural over some beverage coolers that I’ll be thinking about for a long time. Finally, we enter the room designated for cheese. There are squeaky curds and regular, cheese whips, cheese spreads, and a long cooler of Mars exclusive cheese. A few cheeses are laid out for sampling, and Bre and I use toothpicks to take seconds of one particularly delicious soft cheese. An Employees Only sign hangs on a transparent door behind which you can see a full room of cheese blocks. All Mars cheeses displayed are wrapped in plastic with a sticker containing a picture of a man and a quote, along with the name of the cheese. “Bringing you quality cheese and meats since 1947. Here on Mars, the customer is always king!” Inspiring words from Mr. Mars.

In earnest, I do not know these men.

In my loop around the store, I’m thrilled to discover they sell Mustard Girl mustards, so I scoop up a few of those. I select a bag of traditional squeaky curds, and a container of buffalo curds, as well. Upon my later trials, these are all perfect and delightful.

At the check out counter, I shamelessly collect a couple of balloons with the Mars Cheese Castle logo on them. I love balloons. The woman who rings up my order asks me if I’ve ever tried gouda cheese. I tell her I have. Working here has really expanded her palate and I’m happy for her.

AND NUMBER ONE - Carr Valley Cheese Factory Store in Mauston, WI

This location is not exactly conveniently located. By the time we exit the freeway, navigate through a quaint town, pass some industrial buildings, and park in the lot, I’m skeptical. But the outside of the building is cute, and I insist Bre take a picture by the cow directly in front. I am immediately charmed by the inside. It’s small but there’s a large window farthest from the door displaying a room where cheese is actively being MADE. I sympathize with those making cheese for everyone to watch, but it doesn’t stop me from gawking. There’s a chair in front of this window so one could sit and watch the cheese-making process for so long, one’s legs might become tired. But I suspect the chair is predominantly for children. Since children love to sit so much.

The sweetest lady behind the counter offers us some chocolate cheese. We accept and it changes our lives. She offers us garlic bread cheese she will crisp fresh for us on a George Foreman grill, which also impresses. There are several stations set up around the space offering samples. I use a tiny spoon to try several cheese spreads and they all transport me to different happy places. There are gift sets to be purchased, kitchen utensils, jams and jellies, cheeses of every type, and nearly no knickknacks displayed. As our bread-cheese-crisper queen rings up our purchases, she asks us what we’re up to and we tell her we’re on our way to Chicago. Before we leave, she gifts us each a packaged piece of fontina. I’m sure she does this a lot, but it feels like we are special gals. 

I buy some apple butter. My son loves it. He learns how to request it by name. And you can only imagine how cute that sounds.

I also buy a block of garlic bread cheese that is possibly my favorite cheese ever. I cut it into tiny cubes and crisp it up on a cast iron pan on my stove top. When I’m done, I mourn. I wonder when we’ll be reunited once, again. A few weeks later, I see they sell it at Cub.

Ivebeenthinkinboutyouyouknowknowknow

Maybe it’s bold to say that EVERYONE would find value at a cheese shop in Wisconsin. But in my heart, I think it’s true! It might be frosty on the Midwestern roads at the moment, but it’s never a bad time to plan a trip to visit any or all of these cheese locations. So you can tell me if you disagree with the ranking. So we can fight. As friends.

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