Happiest Hour with Christy
Ranking Christy Carlson Romano's favorite beverages and this week's hits and misses.
Happiest Hour with Christy
Around four months ago, former Kim Possible and Even Stevens darling, Christy Carlson Romano, started uploading new videos to Youtube. Like a lot of them. Mostly walking through wooded areas towards a camera like Steve Irwin. At time of this posting, there are 45 of these (and never enough, as far as I’m concerned) since her videos of previous format. I will admit I began watching these videos jeer-ready but intrigued. Christy’s themes are consistent. She isn’t afraid to name drop celebrities but keeps disparaging details vague. She speaks to fellow mothers but also to 20-somethings struggling through years she also struggled. She’s ready at every turn to provide advice ripe with buzz words. She is also frequently carrying a beverage, intriguing me each time. Having spent around 450 minutes watching Christy’s videos, it should surprise no one that I’ve collected, ranked these beverages, and notated the hot takes provided by our sipping queen. Cheers!
Number 8, Dead Last – Kiwi Starfruit Refresher from Starbucks
Featured in Christy’s Why I Don’t Have Celebrity Friends video, the Kiwi Starfruit Refresher takes the lowest slot in this countdown. This drink is so deeply chemical in appearance and taste, it hurt my body to audibly order and then consume any of it. Christy takes no sips as she informs us that one will grow distant from those that have different lives. Yes, this makes sense. At one point Christy proclaims, “I don’t really need friends.” This concerns me! I think everyone should have friends. And no one should have this Refresher.
Number 7- Bottled water with no label
Unless you’re buying Fiji water at the airport to trick someone into thinking you’re rich, I don’t really understand purchasing bottled water. But in a video entitled How Katy Perry Got My Record Deal, Christy is seen gesturing with a plastic bottle of water without a label as she shares the story of a lunch she attended with a record label representative and Katy. Christy reports she did not sense the competitive nature of the meeting, so she lost out on the deal. Christy admits Katy was better suited for a pop princess lifestyle and she’s fine with her alternate life trajectory, despite the indication created by the existence of this video. The label-less water bottle makes another appearance in her video My 9/11 Story where we learn that Christy was in a school basement forty blocks away from the Twin Towers collapse. Shortly afterwards, she took a train from New York to California to avoid flying. Christy says of her travel that brought her face to window with the Midwest- “I went from calling these fly-over states to being an American.”
Number 4- Iced coffee from Starbucks
In this early-to-the-series video, we see a well-received Christy ordering an iced coffee from a barista at Starbucks before taking a couple loops around an outdoor mall. In this video called The Truth About the Disney Channel, it’s clear Christy hopes to inspire views for this video but also calls from executives at Disney for any cameos for which they may find her fit. I hoped this video would at least provide one dirty detail. At one point it’s mentioned that Shia LeBeouf’s dad was difficult to work with, but it is unclear who that was intended to surprise. Honey Boy’s release date was November 2019.
Number 3- Reusable water bottle.
They’re going to save us and they’re going to save our planet! Christy knows that a reusable water bottle will keep you hydrated AND contribute less water bottles to landfills or plastic to our oceans. In arguably the only video that people probably DO ask her to make, Why I Don’t Talk to Shia LeBeouf features a central answer we likely could have arrived to on our own. They did not bond. She shares an anecdote about a night out in Hollywood where she and Shia briefly cross paths, each declaring to the other that all their friends want to sleep with the other. Additionally, reusable water bottle can be spotted in How I Lost Princess Diaries to Anne Hathaway. Held late on the set of Even Stevens, Christy was fated to narrowly miss the auditions for the hit movie that surely could have changed her life.
Number 2- Bottled unsweetened green tea.
Unsweetened green tea is a delight and highly underrated, so I appreciate its representation in Christy’s How I Lost My Money video. Christy makes it clear in many videos that she was not financially savvy or well advised during her peak earning days. We receive minor insight into some frivolous purchases but it all pales in comparison to what’s featured in my personal favorite of her videos, How Psychics Scammed Me Out of $60,000. Christy holds no beverage in that video, explaining with empty hands how she began a codependent relationship with a psychic that sold her on the necessity of a $30,000 crystal that should have solved all her problems. The crystal never arrived.
Number 1- HEB Unsweetened Watermelon Sparkling Water with Caffeine!!
It took me likely one solid hour of web searching to identify this beverage. I paused the videos, I zoomed in, I changed the resolution. HEB is a supermarket chain regional to Texas and they have their own brand of sparkling waters, including flavors with caffeine. I love a sparkling water and as a lower-than-average caffeine consumer, I’m sure even the illusion of caffeine provides me energy to get through the day. This beverage is clearly a Christy favorite and appears in many videos including What Happened on the Set of Cadet Kelly, What It’s Like Being a Celebrity Mom, and The Scary Truth About Having a Stalker. Most recently, the blue and pink can graces the screens of Youtube in Christy’s video What Macaulay Culkin Was Like In My School. Christy attended a school for gifted children in New York City at the same time as multiple Culkins. She recalls spotting the siblings and their popular friends smoking cigarettes outside, her longing to be included clear even in the retelling (valid). Most notably, one day she was in the hallway with a mass of students and Macaulay Culkin directed mooed at her. Like a cow. To this day, she reports she doesn’t know why but I have a few theories.
Even since adopting this new walk-and-talk format, Christy’s videos have changed. In the beginning, she could sometimes be seen walking near a strip mall, in a neighborhood home to humans but also seemingly a thousand cicadas, or a nature path with other hikers. More recent videos feature a consistent walking path with no one else in sight. And less beverages. She’s likely learned they are as distracting as I found them. And she’s hiding from anyone that might spot her out with whoever is filming these videos. But for those shining early moments, we got to be a little closer to Christy! And for that, I am forever grateful and a little more hydrated.
This week’s hits-
I wish I could remember exactly how I found this video of Brad Pitt eating for fifteen minutes. If you don’t have misophonia, if you are also an obnoxious chewer (guilty), or if you ever had a crush on just Brad’s jaw, I would highly recommend it.
I finally watched The Lost Daughter. I am new to motherhood and I love being deeply uncomfortable watching a problematic female character on screen, so I loved it. I’m too afraid to type here and reveal which parts of Leda I found relatable and which I found repulsive. When it was over, I had to Google what had happened. I don’t love feeling too dumb to consume media, but I won’t fester in resentment long. Additionally, happy anniversary to my crush on Ed Harris that has now spanned almost a quarter century.
I discovered this song this week and I think it’s a hopeful anthem for the future. I cannot wait to be able to see and smooch each and every one of you.
Things missed-
I still haven’t watch Encanto and I’m sorry about it.
I won’t be entertaining Taco Bell’s new chicken wings. Like Robin said season one of America’s Next Top Model, “if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”