Taste Test Turned Deep Dive - Liquid Death
This week I question the intentions of Liquid Death's creator, Mike Cessario. Also, a review of Van Leeuwen's new Pizza and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese flavors.
After Big Milk there was and is Big Water, and I’m fully subscribed. More emphasis on hydration has led us to purchase more bottled water, other beverages, skincare, and other water related products. It’s certainly worked with me. My first action in the face of adversity is water. If I have a headache, if I’m tired, if I’m SAD, I turn to a glass of water as if it is the ultimate solution. And it’s become easier and easier since the boom in popularity of flavored sparkling waters.
La Croix, Bubly, every major bottled water company, even most grocery stores sell their own brand of sparkling waters in a variety of flavors. When a new and intriguing flavor drops, I will hunt tirelessly for them in store. Amongst the sea of brightly colored cans, you might spot Liquid Death’s tall cans featuring dark colors and sharp lettering. It certainly caught my eye.
The Case for Mikey to Calm Down
“Why must men try so hard?” was my original thought when I spotted the Liquid Death cans. They reminded me of recent-to-the-market Dude Wipes and the increasing number of dark-colored containers popping up in skincare aisles in attempts to sway masculine consumers. When we gender-ize products that are used by PEOPLE, we all lose. The implication that men cannot use products that are usually marketed with women in mind is systemically harmful and I kinda don’t care how dramatic that sounds. It’s cringe-inducing to imply that men miss out on much-needed hydration due to the feminine marketing tactics utilized by most water suppliers. If you listen to Liquid Death’s founder, Mike Cessario, speak, it’s a valid concern.
In 2019, Mike Cessario created a viral Facebook video featuring a man being waterboarded by a model with the soon-to-be famed canned water, Liquid Death. The product didn’t even exist at the time. He used the interest generated by the sexy waterboarding video to secure investors that gave legs to his idea for canned water that is “cool” (his go-to word). Per Cessario, water is too often marketed to “yoga moms” and models (read: women). Was he interested in water specifically? Conclusively the answer was and remains NO. But with a heavy interest in the punk rock world and a disdain for pretty much anyone that’s attended business school, Mike set out to create a brand that rejected all traditional marketing.
“Murder your thirst” asserts each can, displaying the company’s motto. They’ve sold water cursed by demons (accompanied by instruction to perform exorcisms- something I would have been interested in as a child deeply afraid of demon possession). They hired a 6-year-old child to design a t-shirt logo. They offer an extensive line of merch including a $6,200 water vending machine and a $68 nightlight. They use negative comments and reviews in their ads. They sold skateboards painted with their logo using some of Tony Hawk’s blood. Some of their ads merely assert “don’t buy this.” Mike Cessario says he’s not playing by traditional marketing rules, but the trend of edgier marketing strategies has been on the up for some time. That Purple mattress commercial with the sasquatch, fast food accounts roasting everyone on Twitter, and that Quizno’s commercial with the rat-adjacent creature come to mind quickly. I think about this commercial almost every day. All existed prior to three years ago when Liquid Death hit the shelves and the internet. I love a unique idea and bizarre ads are more fun, but I’m hesitant to credit Cessario as the ultimate pioneer as he claims. Maybe he has a leg up on much of his competition for ads that inspire shock and outrage.
The Case for Liquid Death as the Future, Or at Least Mine
I purchased all five versions of Liquid Death. Originally, sparkling and still were the only varieties but now there are three flavors in addition. I don’t usually purchase an unflavored water, but I enjoyed the still and sparkling versions because I just do think drinking from a can is superior. Severed Lime, Berry It All, and Mango Chainsaw are the three current flavor options. I did find the flavors more authentic than that of other comparable water brands. Each flavored version includes a bit of agave nectar that goes a long way. Because it’s never mentioned by Cessario in anything I’ve reviewed, it must be accidental that this sugary additive makes the beverage very tolerable even when it reaches room temperature (I checked). This normally wouldn’t be a factor of note, but Liquid Death exclusively comes in “tallboy” form. All I think of when I see a tallboy is how warm the bottom third of the beverage becomes after the can is held in your sweaty hand for two hours. So I’m impressed by their integrity despite the elements.
After trying the waters, I listened to a number of podcasts with Mike Cessario as a guest. In addition to Liquid Death’s origin story, he explained how most bottled water is made versus their product on the My First Million podcast. Perhaps it’s common knowledge to most but I didn’t realize that most bottled water came from an industrial tap, was processed via reverse osmosis, then vitamins, minerals, and flavors are introduced. I thought water advertised as fresh from mountain streams, as Liquid Death is, was mere exaggeration. But Liquid Death really is water from the Alps (and Fiji water is really from Fiji!!!!!). In the same breath Cessario explains this, he clarifies he does not think the average consumer can even tell the difference. But I disagree, and I certainly cannot relate.
“Death to Plastic” is another of the brand’s big initiatives. More recently on their website, they’ve started selling $75 cute plushies (Cutie Polluties) covered in lacerations and injuries from plastic ocean trash. These are certainly having a viral moment, as even I had stumbled upon them outside of this Liquid Death deep dive. I’ll admit another delayed discovery I had was just how little plastic is truly recycled versus the amount of aluminum that is. Information about the efficiency of aluminum exists on the cans, on the website, and frequently on their social media platforms. The commitment to inform and a call to rally behind the cause to reduce plastic waste is admirable.
Ironically, the presentation of this product that originally repulsed me is what makes it a useful product for many other consumers. In a world where consumers are increasingly looking for non-alcoholic options, Liquid Death provides an alternative for someone wishing to blend into a group predominantly under the influence. In an ideal scenario, someone could sway at a concert or other event proudly displaying a cup of hot green tea without anyone inquiring or commenting. But the continued societal pressure for adults to drink or explain the reasoning behind their sobriety remains relevant. Because of this, I’m appreciative of anyone providing options to those seeking to remain sober, even situationally.
Something else I took away from Mike Cessario’s story is an optimism that inspired me, without mocking. I have felt snarky, I have been snarky, but I love a story of hard work paid off. As a guest on the Damn Good Brands podcast, Cessario explains how little he knew about canning water when he started his journey. He cold-emailed companies asking for advice and direction and received it. I cherish that purity! I love remembering that those in business can be generous. And I love picturing little Mikey knocking door to door for life hacks. It does make it feel like success is attainable.
Ultimately, I do think Mike Cessario and I land on the same team. I also don’t love business school bros, I lose sleep over the state of our oceans, I too spend too much time trying to prove I’m special, and I am also thirsty!! Did Mike only do this to meet the stars of Jackass and a myriad of other celebrities that have participated in ads for the water brand? Will Liquid Death stick around? Am I punk now? Only time will tell. I do think I’ll buy the pink sweatshirt.
Snack of the Week - Van Leeuwen’s Mini Haul
I have lost count of how many products I’ve purchased knowing full well I likely will not enjoy them. It makes me guilty sometimes, but Van Leeuwen made these for us! And I do think these products bring joy amongst life’s challenges.
Unlike the Little Debbie ice cream haul, I opted to only pick up three flavors. I had to try Pizza and Kraft’s Macaroni & Cheese flavors. And I picked up Royal Wedding Cake at the last minute because I wanted to feel like a guest at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s nuptials. Each container costs $3.25 which puts them in a mid-shelf area for novelty ice cream flavors, so I had hope.
I wanted to tread lightly at first and tried the Royal Wedding Cake flavor. It is described as cream cheese ice cream with floral and citrus notes. The citrus was way too intense, and this almost tasted like Froot Loops but somehow in a bad way. I looked to this flavor for comfort and only found a taste so uninspiring, I nearly didn’t finish the spoonful. The one credit to this and all flavors by VanLeeuwen is that they are incredibly creamy.
Next, I tried the Kraft Macaroni & Cheese flavor. It is very clear Kraft was directly involved because it IS that nostalgic cheese in color, smell, and taste. Only cold. My fellow taste-tester said “I want there to be noodles in here” and though I find that gross, I do find the lack of texture blaring. But I don’t hate the ice cream. Unfortunately, it only makes me want to stop eating this and prepare a box of macaroni and cheese.
What the macaroni and cheese flavor lacked in texture, the Pizza pint delivered. Tomato jam swirls and little hunks of “crust” float in a base of mozzarella ice cream. I really like trying ambitious flavors and I really like cold pizza from the fridge but the appearance of the newly opened pint almost made me skip this one completely. Once I pushed through, it was intriguing enough to take more scoops. I thought this flavor would either be so gross or super bland out of the creators’ fear of repulsing those that would try it. But it’s neither of these things. I wish the base mozzarella flavor was more earnest, but I kept dipping my spoon in to clarify how I felt. I really enjoyed the journey of trying this ice cream, I can’t stop thinking about the flavor complexities, but I have to be honest with myself that I likely will not finish the pint.
I did not expect you to land on the same team as Mike!! But now I almost want to try Liquid Death?!