EVERYONE'S my Valentine.

Tis the season for EXPRESSING that AFFECTION.

Remember the episode of HBO’S Girls when Hannah (Lena Dunham) and Adam (Adam Driver) return to the apartment that Adam temporarily shares with Ray and they hear Ray in the middle of a sexual encounter in the other room?? Hannah advances towards Ray’s bedroom doorway at the end of the hall, straining to listen and confirm what she suspects – that she hears Marnie, her close friend, engaged in a sex act with Ray.

Adam, hissing after Hannah, insists what is happening in the next room is not her business.

“Everything’s my business,” she tosses back as she creeps closer to the closed bedroom door.

If you haven’t seen it, you SHOULD. But now you have the idea. There’s more context within the show to explain the moment’s significance, but the statement is what stays with me. And Hannah’s lack of hesitation. Everything is her business! I couldn’t relate to anything more!

This all-encompassing attitude is one I bring to many topics, including Valentine’s Day. The approaching holiday is one that’s often under-appreciated due to its connection to romantic love, (now) excessive consumerism, and its association with femininity!

I stand in opposition to the eyerolls. EVERYONE’S my Valentine!

I like to approach this holiday the way we did as 4^th graders – when we brought enough Valentines cards to school for each member of our class. Your crush received the one with the most discretely flirty messaging, you addressed the cutest one to your best friend, and you might pretend you forgot the one assigned to your nemesis. I took the task of labeling the remaining Valentines very seriously – to best suit ALL recipients.

To this day, Valentine’s Day for ME is not just about kissing (though there should always be kissing) but about expressing the affection you have in your heart! For your nearest and dearest and even those less so.

They are all my Valentines, as far as I’m concerned. My husband! My child! My parents! My other relatives! My friends! But also the people I see consistently on walks in my neighborhood that I’ve never met formally. Every roommate I’ve had. Jen, my car’s angel who used to work at the Midas in Roseville but has since moved to another location (I miss her!). The produce guy that worked at the downtown Saint Paul Lund’s whose friendly wave brightened so many of my mornings (RIP to that Lund’s – a cherished friend on its own, basically). The guy at the Piada place at MOA that gave me a free lemonade. Angela, my cool aunt’s cool friend who will sit with me at any social function we’re both at and go line by line on our Goodreads, discussing literally every single book we’ve read since we’ve seen each other last (also I think she reads these – HI Angela!). Every single childcare provider that has made a positive impact on my son’s life and mine. Including Lenea, a teen that lives nearby so I walk her home after she babysits for us and she’s so forthcoming about what it’s like to be a young person today (honestly so valuable). Even Shelby from the pet food store who told me she liked my sweater this week.

If I had the means to hunt each one of them down with a Valentine’s card and a box of conversation hearts and I didn’t think it would make them feel uncomfortable, I WOULD.

Whether they’re aware of my sentiments or not, here are some more of my cherished Valentines I’ll be celebrating this glorious holiday season.

My Favorite Co-op Employees

I live two blocks from a tiny little co-op grocery store. The first five years I lived here, I hardly ever visited or bought anything there unless I was desperate to avoid a lengthy commute. I haven’t always been in the financial position to afford a four dollar bell pepper, but it’s something I really prioritize now. It’s a JOY to walk around the store, support a local business, and soar on the moral superiority of not driving a car somewhere.

There are a handful of consistent cashiers at the co-op, but I have two favorites.

One is a guy that mumbles too much when he speaks and is a little rough with my produce while scanning them, but I can tell he recognizes me (goes a long way!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and one time he really helped me try to find wonton wrappers (they don’t carry them.)

My tip top favorite employee is most efficient, knowledgeable and kind, but also definitely aloof. I am CONFIDENT they live right across the street from me because I literally see them leave that house and walk down the street towards the co-op, but we’ve never shared brief eye contact, a wave or even head nod of recognition outside of the store! I always think about saying ‘I think we’re neighbors’ when they are bagging up my items at the register. But I don’t want to make them feel weird or excessively watched. Our consistent orbit intrigues and charms me.

Bless them both! And the novelty beverage selection at that co-op.

My Son’s Bus Driver

My son was four years old the first day he stepped onto a school bus. It seemed absolutely absurd for me to just let him get on a BUS filled to the brim with people I do not know (his peers) and without a seat belt! He was so baby!!

The first time he loaded onto the bus, I pulled myself up the first step of the bus and explained to the driver “This is his first time on the bus.”

I searched the driver’s eyes for some compassion or assurance that he would deliver my son extra carefully to school. But his gaze basically said “….oookay.”

We’ve come a long way since then. Gradually, we began waving each day. After the last kid has filed onto the bus and taken their seat, the bus driver raises one hand high in the air, and I smile and motion back enthusiastically.

In my Christmas card to the driver, I mentioned that I absolutely live for the assurance of the wave. And I swear the gesture has become more spirited since.

CARLY at the UPS Store

My most preferred and precious Carly is my one and only sibling, but my second favorite is Carly who works at the UPS in Roseville off Lexington.

The first time I met Carly, I was weary from a trip to FedEx where I had attempted to send a package. It had been YEARS since I’d sent a package and?? Irrationally, I thought you had to show that you weren’t sending any forbidden liquids??? I had my cardboard box and printed label ready but had not taped it closed. Between my extended wait for any FedEx employee to acknowledge me and the fact that they wanted me to buy a twelve dollar roll of tape to secure my own box, I left.

CARLY let me use a roll of UPS communal tape and guided me through the package submission process with confidence and efficiency.

Since then, I have been thrilled to see Carly each time I visit this location. She’s hefted my Nuuly returns over the counter, rung up my stamp books, printed receipts with my tracking information. She’s just a gem! I sense no familiarity when we correspond, but I always tell her she’s the very best. I hope she hears it!

Taco Bell Sticker Vandal

The Taco Bell closest to my house was glorious before, with a staff so jovial that I finally built the courage to say something.

“…….it just seems so fun to work here,” I told them genuinely.

“It is!”

But they leveled the Taco Bell with the friendly staff and a lobby and put up a compact rectangle of a building without anywhere to sit, as a deterrent to those that might wish to linger too long.

The Taco Bell has lost a lot of its charm in this transition, but at least one person seems to be working to entertain and delight the location’s visitors. And it’s whoever keeps attaching human-rights-themed stickers to the outside of the building. Specifically on the bollards (I had to look up this word – the short concrete pillars covered in their plastic yellow shafts) along the length of the drive thru line.

Right now one says ‘Fuck Ice’ and another ‘Fund Healthcare not Warfare.’ There have been sillier ones, featuring goofy animated creatures alongside social-justice-seeking sentiments, but also more direct ones. “No humans are illegal on stolen land.”

Regularly, they are peeled or scraped off, which I’m sure is frustrating to the employee that has to complete that task and of that I’m not a huge fan. But I like the idea that the Sticker Bandit is ONE persistent Taco Bell enthusiast. I hope they never stop!

Emily, My Dental Hygienist

I stopped visiting the dentist consistently after I finished college. I relocated a few times, and finding a trustworthy dental office was not often a top priority.

“It’s important for your heart health,” my mom told me, basically begging me to make an appointment somewhere.

That actually did work. I swallowed my pride and deep concerns I’d have 1000000000 cavities and made an appointment at a highly rated location near my house. I waited to hear the cavity count or the tsk of disappointment from the hygienist. And to feel the scrape of those tools between my teeth. To see the smears of blood from my bloated gums wiped onto the napkin they placed on my chest, a Scarlet Letter for the dentist to see when they came to assess the inside of my mouth. I did not FLOSS.

But Emily greeted me warmly. Without knowing her age, she seemed like the youngest dental hygienist I’d ever met. I wondered about the average age of a dental hygienist while she gently prodded my teeth with that thing. Maybe I was just getting older so everyone seemed younger?

She was so gentle that sometimes I worried that she wasn’t doing an adequate job (SORRY to my gal.) My teeth never throbbed with a dull ache hours after she was done the way I’d come to anticipate when I left the dentist as a child.

Emily encouraged good oral hygiene habits without shaming me. She knew how to perfectly time a conversation when one participant frequently has hands in their mouth, pausing to let me rattle off responses.

We’d talk about books, movies, and television shows we enjoyed. I’m confident that the Venn diagram of our media interests would be blank white in the middle. Truly no overlap. But I listened to her tell me about the primetime TV drama she was watching. And she never stopped me when I talked about Tonya Harding too much.

Around 2019, when I was planning to get married and thinking about my potential future as a mother, my chats with Emily deepened. We complained that weddings make everyone involved lose their minds. She told me she worried about how she’d balance motherhood and a quality relationship with her husband. After I had a child and struggled with postpartum depression, I reminded her that having children wasn’t mandatory at all. When I saw her last, she told me she was pregnant. In two weeks, I’ll be seeing her for the first time since she became a mom and I literally cannot wait. I know she’ll be honest with me about how it’s going.

I always thought part of adulthood would be having a hair stylist I told everything for decades. It never happened for me.¹ I don’t dye my hair anymore, and I have hardly gotten a haircut since I’ve stolen my sister’s hair cutting scissors and started experiencing bouts of over-confidence with them.

Instead, I really feel lucky to have Emily. Outside of her hygienist scrubs and behind the mask she wears, I’m not even sure I’d recognize her if she walked past me on the sidewalk. But I care for her so much! And she’s got me flossing consistently!

When I consider everyone I’m pleased to encounter regularly, I realize I don’t usually remember names. Or I don’t ask for them! Sometimes it feels prying to ask for someone’s name without a prompt or offer from the other person, but that feels distinctly Minnesota Nice in a bad way. I think I’ll try working on that this year. People want to feel seen and special! And I want them to feel seen and special by me!

If this moment in Minnesota and in TIME has reminded me of anything, it’s that connection will save us all! I want to appreciate openly and freely and often.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you as a reader of Soft Earlobe. Y’all are my angels, too.

Even MORE things that make me go <3 <3 <3

1. But shout out to Savanna – the gal that did my hair last (like two years ago) who I really loved and immediately felt warmed to the moment she told me she was dreading going white water rafting on a trip with her boyfriend’s friends. You are my Valentine, too!